‘McBain’ movie hidden inside The Simpsons Is The Best Joke Ever

If you’re a fan of the Simpsons, you know about the short scenes sometimes shown in parts of episodes. These short cuts show what seems to be multiple movies staring “Mcbain” an actor in the Simpsons universe. Unknown to many fans if you put these short cuts together they make a full movie on their own. You can watch the high quality movie below.

This short movie is quite possibly the best joke in amy show. The dedication it must have taken is extremely honorable.

My Ex-Girlfriend Isn’t Taking The Breakup Well

I broke up with my girlfriend, Allison, about 6 months ago. I really cared about her, but I found out she was cheating on me with some guy. Not gonna lie, it hurt pretty bad at first. But that was quickly replaced by rage. That kind of rage that ceases to be an emotion, but rather becomes a living, breathing entity. It didn’t help that she immediately broke down and tried to play the victim. Especially when I found out the dude had been hooking her up with drugs.

It was beyond insulting. She had zero right to play the whole injured party card. Sorry sweetie, not gonna work. When she realized that, she tried to get angry and yelling and calling me every name in the book.

“Who are you to judge me?” she kept screaming, over and over.

At this point, I think her attitude was more appalling than the actual cheating. It was like seeing a child throwing a tantrum in the middle of the mall. Allison even managed to do the same stomping up and down. I had to admit, I found it funny. I just turned around walked out of her apartment and didn’t look black. As I was driving away I saw her run out of the apartment and try to race down my car.

I kept driving, not sparing her a glance.

Right on cue, the nonstop calls and texts came started coming later that night. You all know the ones I mean.

First, there are the ones frantically apologizing and begging for your forgiveness. Sometimes there are ones that try to act all nonchalant and ask about your day and life, as if nothing had ever happened.

Then comes the anger laced ones that try to act all tough and insult everything about you. If you are a guy, there is almost guaranteed to be a shot at your masculinity. For the ladies, a shot at your appearance with a passing reference to some other girl they’ve had their eye on will be the weapon of choice. A bit of gaslighting usually comes about here. The offending phrase is usually something like “Why are you being so mean to me?” or “You are being very immature.”

Any sort of message rant like this usually ends with something like “Fine! If you are gonna be like that I don’t need you anyways. (Insert rebound’s name here) is so much hotter anyways.”

But my personal favorite is when they send you a late night text, usually between one and three am that goes along the lines of “I really miss you.” The kind that is designed to tug at your heart just enough to get your attention and lure you into talking, but nothing that requires an actual apology. I can’t even tell you how many times she messaged or called me before I blocked her.

It was almost like seeing a mental patient off their meds. Of all the girlfriends I have broken up with, Allison put in more effort than all the others combined. It was kind of stunning. She was a huge fan of alternating between I miss you and I will burn your house down depending on the moment.

Needless to say, I didn’t answer or respond to anything Allison said. I didn’t block her immediately because I gotta admit, it was hilarious watching her go to pieces after SHE cheated on me. But like most sane people, I got tired of it and blocked her number, email, all that good stuff.

I went on with my life and everything was good.

In January, I started getting these weird emails. At first they were just like simple stuff. The email address was one I didn’t recognize.

“Hey”.

“How are you?”

Then came the weirdest of all. “Do you have a girlfriend?” I thought it was just spam so I marked it and didn’t give it a second thought. Then, the text messages came.

“Good morning Vince,”

“How is work going?”

“What did you have for lunch?”

I was confused to who this, not to mention a bit suspicious out, so I didn’t answer. But my phone dinged to indicate the same number messaged me again.

“Did you miss her?” There was a picture attached, along with a smiling emoticon. Just guess who it was?

Allison. Same long blond hair, green eyes, and wide smile. What a shocker. She made that email account to message me and got a new phone. I had put all of this behind me and here she was back? Unbelievable. Girl had major issues. At that moment, the rage returned and I messaged back.

“You cheated on me and now can’t leave me alone? Bye. Don’t you dare try to contact me again or you will be sorry.”

I blocked the number and thought that would be the end of it.

Coming home from work about a week later, I was walking back home when I got a phone call. It was my neighbor, Mrs. Arlington. Sweet lady. We lived in a new duplex and I really felt comfortable there. She treated me like a son and I won’t lie, she was like another mom to me. I would help her with anything she needed around the house and occasionally she would cook for me. Best apple pie you’ve ever had. Not to mention she was very supportive when I broke up with Allison.

“Hey Mrs. Arlington, what’s up?”

“Vince, are you at home?” She sounded concerned.

“No, why do you ask?”

“Because I keep hearing noises from your place. Sounds like someone is inside. I swear I can hear laughter. A woman’s laughter.”

My entire body went numb at this. “I’m calling the police. Don’t worry about doing anything unless someone tries to break into your place.”

“Ok my boy,” she sounded simultaneously relieved and tense.

As soon as hung up with Mrs. Arlington, I called the cops and told them someone broke into my place and my neighbor heard it. I gave them the address and they said they would be there immediately. Then, I called Mrs. Arlington back I told her the cops were coming and to watch the door to my place. Very slowly, I continued walking to my duplex. I stayed on the phone with her until the police arrived, which didn’t take too long.

The officers kept watch until I arrived. Mrs. Arlington was there, all concerned. I have never been more grateful to have her as a neighbor. Neither she, nor the cops saw anyone try to leave. They searched the place, but found nothing had been broken or anything. Now it was my turn to look, I didn’t see anything had been stolen.

That bothered me more than anything. To know someone had been there for seemingly no purpose. No valuables taken, nothing trashed, just….a silent presence. A laughing presence apparently. Usually being home made me feel content. Peaceful. Now it just made me feel tense. I made sure to thank Mrs. Arlington for keeping an eye out and everything. Just as the cops were about to leave, one of them spoke up.

“Is that yours?” Officer Mansfield asked, his face contorted into an expression I couldn’t quite read.

“Is what mine?” I had no idea what he was talking about.

“That,” he said, pointing outside the back door onto the back porch.

There, positioned right outside the porch, was some sort of rag doll. I wasn’t sure what it was at first, but then I saw it looked a bit like me. It had the same blond hair and brown eyes. The clothes looked like something I’ve worn many before, khakis pants and a polo shirt. The doll looked like it had seen better days. Then I realized it looked like it had been repeatedly stabbed or cut, because the stuffing was coming out of the body at parts. My legs felt like jelly at that moment, but that wasn’t the worst part.

The doll was hanging from the tree right next to our building; and it was hanging by what looked like the end of a noose. A very well made and realistic one. We all went outside and sure enough, the doll of me was hanging from a noose.

It slowly swung back and forth in the wind, like some sort of disturbing wind chime or something.

“I…..don’t really know if it’s mine,” was all I could get out. “I guess it is now.” Mrs. Arlington patted me on the arm.

“You can stay with me tonight Vince,” I immediately accepted.

“That’s very kind of you ma’am, there isn’t much we can do about this, but keep an eye on things and we will do the same. If you need us we’ll be here ASAP.” Officer Mansfield said.

“Thank you, I will.”

With that, they left. I gave Mrs. Arlington a big hug and got my clothes and stuff. As I packed my bag, I couldn’t help but feel like they were somehow tainted. I couldn’t get out of there quick enough.

So, here I am right now on Mrs. Arlington’s couch. She’s offered me her guest room for the night, or any other night I need it. I might just take her up on that as well. At this point, I have no idea what to expect.

(X  X)

In Case You Needed a Reason To End It All Here’s The Emoji Movie Trailer

So from what i can tell the story is about a specific emoji that cant conform to what he is. Basically we have another “underdog gets help from people” story line. Typical story when you cant think of anything else. Yada yada emoji cant do his job right, so he gets help from other emojis that are not used as much by people. Yes i said “his” because emoji have genders apparently, and not only that but there seems to be a nudge to a romance between a female emoji you’ll see what i mean when you watch it. The trailer was published 5/16/2017 and already has a whopping 16k dislikes. honestly what can you expect though its a movie about fucking emojis. someone sat down one day and thought to himself “you know what would make a great movie?” “mother fucking emojis”. Hell it probably started out as a joke and now they’re in too deep. like holy fuck man this movie is going to flop. its going to get murdered on rotten tomato. anyways heres the trailer. And no im not even going to bother fixing my grammar for this shit.

“Oldest Living Man” Dies In Indonesia

The Indonesian man who claimed to be 146 years old – the longest living human – has died in his village in Java.
according to his papers, Sodimedjo, additionally called Mbah Ghoto (grandpa Ghoto), was born in December 1870.
He was taken to a health facility in April due to his deteriorating health. Six days later he insisted on sorting out to return domestic.whilst requested approximately the name of the game of his durability, Mbah Ghoto advised the BBC remaining yr that endurance changed into key and that he had “a long life because i’ve people that love me looking after me”.
A heavy smoker until the end, he outlived four other halves, 10 siblings and all his children.
In his village, he became a local hero famous for telling exceptional tales about the wars in opposition to Japan and the Dutch. Grandson Suryanto says he was buried on Monday morning in a nearby cemetery plot.
A tombstone that had sat beside his residence for decades was positioned above the grave.
“He did not ask a great deal. before he died, he just desired us, his family, to permit him pass,” his grandson stated.

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Artist Creates Drawings Showing What Women Do When No One Is Watching

Sally Nixon started her project called “365” in which she decided to create drawings everyday for a whole year. Realizing it was not easy to come up with new ideas easily, she tried to find inspiration in her own life. She wanted to show the natural side of life.

“They don’t have perfect bodies or perfect habits and that makes them relatable,” she told TL Andrews. “The scenes I create around them are everyday places: a bathroom, a restaurant, a messy bedroom. However, my goal with each drawing is to elevate the seemingly mundane to something special.”

More info: Etsy | Instagramsallynixon.com (h/t)

  

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Dad Turns His Sons’ Doodles Into Amazing Anime Characters

Thomas Romain, a French anime artist who lives in Tokyo, has worked on various series including Space Dandy, Basquash!, and Aria. Yet his greatest work come from the help of his son. His kids come up with wonderful ideas, and then Thomas turns thier creative ideas into some of the most amazing anime creations we’ve ever seen.

More info: Twitter

1. K-3 Keisan

2. Cloud Dwellers

3. Cyborg

4. Tulip Brothers

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Professor’s live Tweets Go Viral After No One Showed Up To His Class

What would a normal professor do when no one shows up to class? They might go out for coffee, or even get ready for their next class. Well, what about Professor Adam Heath Avitable? Well, he tweets.

When Professor Adam came to his class he noticed that no one had showed up, he got suspicious: “Did I tell them no class? Is today, Thursday? Am I dreaming?” Professor Adam says his course is non-traditional, and usually 1-10 people will actually show up he did not however expect no one to come at all. To keep himself busy his starting tweeting using the hashtag “#Classwatch2017”.

More info: Twitter

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Donald Trump Gives CIA Orders To Conduct Drone Attacks

The move would be a exchange from the policy of former President Barack Obama’s administration restricting the CIA’s paramilitary position.The White house, the U.S. department of defense and the CIA did not immediately reply to requests for remark.

Obama had sought to influence international hints for the use of drone strikes as different countries commenced pursuing their personal drone programs.

the USA became the first to use unmanned drones with missiles to kill militant suspects within the years after the 9/11, attack on the twin towers and Washington.

strikes via missile-armed Predator and Reaper drones towards oversea targets started underneath former President George W. Bush and have been expanded through Obama.

Critics of the focused killing program question whether or not the strikes create more militants than they kill. They cite the spread of jihadist agencies and militant assaults in the course of the world as proof that targeted killings can be exacerbating the trouble.

In July, the U.S. authorities accepted responsibility for inadvertently killing as many as 116 civilians in strikes in nations where the united states isn’t even at war.

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Move Over Gold Fish There’s a New Fish Tank Specific For Jelly Fish

This new desktop fish tank will let you hold jellyfish you can marvel over for hours.

“Jelly Tank is a desktop jellyfish aquarium designed for the home, office or commercial space. Owning pet jellyfish are now easier than ever with our state of the art tank. The Jelly Tank is the most affordable aquarium that makes keeping jellyfish simple for anyone.” Via Jellytank

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Watch a Teen Freak Out Over a Virtual Reality Roller Coaster

Virtual reality isn’t just for video games anymore, with more and more innovations we can see the world of vr taking off at an incredible speed. From car chases in games to 3d painting VR will most likely turn out to be something everyone will find a use for. For now at least we can enjoy a quick laugh from someone already scared of the future of technology.

Video sent in by Jeremy Ollar: Jeremy filmed this poor kids first time ride on a virtually reality roller coaster. See as he almost falls to the floor in absolute terror as others laugh their ass off

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Trump’s Inauguration is Tomorrow. Here’s How Bernie Can Still Win.

With trump about to go into office in a few hours, people all over are wondering if there is a way for Bernie to win. With so many people hopeful of some way to get their best pick into office we all wonder, is there a way for him to win now with almost no time to waste. So is there a way for Bernie to win?

No he can’t. We are kinda fucked.

Follow me on twitter

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The Truth About Male Birth Control, And Why You’re A Twat

Nice to see websites like mic.com, fusion.net and popsugar.com take shit out of context by not actually reading the information. Then again, I’ve never expected much from them anyways. This is why i dont fuck with biased news websites.

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I’ve seen articles and videos like these on facebook for a few days now and holy shit for anyone that has questioned why i don’t support biased ass websites like these, here why. Before i start id like to thank buzzfeed for not being twats for once in their life. They actually made an article explaining what happened and did their research you can read their article [here]

So here is the truth:

Study population consisted of 320 monogamous couples aged 18-45.  Male volunteers were required to have a healthy reproductive state, no history of STDs, as well as normal testosterone levels. Female volunteers equally were required to have a healthy reproductive state and basically not be pregnant at the time of entry.

Now here are the statistics:

The male birth control injection had a 96% success rate at preventing pregnancy. Cool, right? Well about 50% had acne problems, 38% reported an increase in sexual drive, 25% of the participants experienced pain at the injection site, 20% percent suffered from mood disorders, 25 couples ended up pregnant, and 8 men were unable to regain a normal sperm count after a year of the treatment. Let that sit on your conscious.

The study was not stopped due to men being whips, in fact the study was actually stopped by one of the two independent committees monitoring the trial’s safety data. 75% of the men in the study wanted to continue the treatment. “Despite the higher than expected number of adverse events, many participants expressed their satisfaction with the method and indicated that their partners were relieved that they did not have to bear the burden of contraception themselves.” Quoted. “This decision [to end the trial] was based on [the Research Project Review Panel’s] review of study [adverse events] and conclusion that the risks to the study participants outweighed the potential benefits to the study participants and to the increased precision of the study outcome findings from having the full cohort contribute to the final analysis.” Quoted

want to actually read about the study and not be an biased? here it is asshole

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Muslim Blogger Nura Afia Named CoverGirl’s Newest Ambassador

Nura Afia, a popular beauty influencer on youtube, will be part of the #LashEquality campaign alongside other ambassadors including Sofia Vergara, James Charles, Chloe and Halle, and Amy Pham. CoverGirl hope to spread their #LashEquality campaign for their So Lashy BlastPro Mascara.

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Afia now has about a quarter million subscribers on her Youtube channel she started back in 2011 and will most likely see her numbers grow as she gains recognition as an ambassador with the brand. You can see one of her most popular videos below. 

Afia released a statement for Cover girl saying; “It feels so surreal, Honestly, growing up and being insecure about wearing the hijab I never thought I would see Muslim women represented on such a large scale. It means the world to me and I’m so honored to be a part of this campaign with covergirl. I couldn’t be happier. I love covergirl as a brand and everything they stand for. They really believe in beauty for all.”

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Watch This Cat Try To “save” Her Owner From Drowning

This cute little cat saw their owner taking a bath. Instead of being unphased, the tiny critter thought she was drowning. The kitten then tries its hardest to save the owner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7diWeRsisoQ

“This cute concerned cat realizes his human is perishing in the evil waters of the bathtub, so when he tries to rescue him?Somehow, the human just won’t understand despite his desperate meowing! The cat tries biting his hand and leading it out of the horrible waters. Kitty probably doesn’t understand why humans must like water anyways…This is such a cute, sweet moment! The kitty is trying so hard to save him.” – I love cats

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Greatest Fidget Toys You Can Buy Online Right Now

What Are “Fidget toys”?

Fidget toys are special toys that can help people become more focused, help people pay attention better, and even soothe people.  They can help improve concentration by allowing the brain to filter out extra sensory information. Fidgets have also shown that they can help some kids with ADHD and Autism focus better. Different types of fidgets will meet different sensory needs, they come in all different shapes, sizes, or textures. They can be anything from a colorful stress ball to a discrete ring. The toys listed below are just a few you can purchase online. Click the Titles to be redirected to amazon!

Wikki Stix

wikki-stix

Wikki Stix gives kids tons of options to play with. They can twist them, bend them and mold them into balls among other things. Just be careful as these are not recommended for children under the age of three.